You may be wondering what the heck the title of this post means – let me tell you. I stumbled across Skinny Emmie’s blog just as she posted this entry.

Dead Last Finish > Did Not Finish > Did Not Start

Think about how much sense that makes and apply it to your life. I was sitting here lamenting that I hadn’t done many dishes in the past few days. Really, I need to do a few pots and mixing bowls, then start the dishwasher running. I think back to a few months ago when I would just let the dishes SIT on the counter – not a bowl or pan in sight, and you know why? I didn’t cook. Sure, I would heat up some fish sticks, make some fries or pop a pizza in the oven. That’s not cooking!

Now I’m doing things like baking nutritious muffins. I’m making my own healthful hummus. I’m eating more than one huge grease-laden meal a day. Sure, I need to work on consistency, but hey – I started.
Don’t be so hard on yourself – you are amazing for even being on this journey.

Thank you so much, Emmie, for getting us to see this simple fact. You’re truly inspiring!


Last week I responded to an ad I saw outside of Whole Foods that basically said the following:

“Are you overweight? Tired of diet gimmicks and want to give good old-fashioned workouts a try? Call or email to find out more”

Who could pass that up? I emailed the address that was included and was told about a free training opportunity. The gist is this: twelve weeks of intense boot camp style training for FREE – as long as they can take before, during, and after pictures to use for their website. I was MORE than happy to sign up and had my first session today.

Oh. Oh my lord in heaven.

My knees, my glutes, my quads especially… all feel like crap right now. I didn’t realize JUST how out-of-shape I was, to be quite honest. I KNOW. How the heck could I be over 300 lbs and not realize that? I really don’t know.

But here’s a pledge: I started over today. I weigh 366.9 lbs according to the step on the scale I just did. Saturdays will be my new weigh-in days! By this time in 59 days, I want to be down to at least 350. Think I can do it?

Oh, and congratulations to Lyn over at Escape From Obesity – she’s lost 100 lbs! You should go add your congrats!! Lyn – that’s amazing. I only hope to be able to make the same blog post someday in the future!

I’m happy.

Yes, my last post was all sad because of my friend’s husband’s passing, but… it’s actually helped me. HELL, I feel twisted even THINKING that, let alone typing it – so let me explain:

We found out that her husband’s cause of death was a pulmonary embolism, which was brought on by deep vein thrombosis  – a blood clot. In my little pea brain, a switch was thrown. I swear there was screaming inside my head at the height of this switch taking a flip – to the effect of “Wow, this could be you”. Seriously. I spend all day on my butt in bed. How pathetic is that? I sit in bed with my laptop and my cat – watch tv, chat on the phone and that’s all I do. Up til now, I thought I deserved a medal for doing a few loads of laundry. I don’t have a job – doing laundry should be my job!

So I’ve had this shift in thinking that happened right before my last post – I’ll do more. Boy, have I ever. Whereas we’re used to eating out a meal once a day, on Friday? I COOKED ALL THREE MEALS! I got up, made porridge for the fiance and I. For lunch I made fish, wild rice and salad. For dinner, I made turkey meatball whole wheat spaghetti with side salads. On Saturday, I baked and did shopping at the farmer’s market. I’ve always said how I wished I could afford to shop there, to support local agriculture, blah blah blah. SO I DID IT. Tonight, I roasted a turkey breast with olive oil and lemon rind – served it with mashed roasted sweet potatoes and asparagus with side salads.

I am so freaking excited, y’all. I feel brand new.

“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you”

-Maori Proverb

Pardon my navel-gazing, folks. This will be about a little more than weight loss today. One of my good online friends lost her husband yesterday morning in a tragic way, in a way that wasn’t forseeable and just plain not fair. This friend, a fellow knitter, had endured a miscarriage all but a few months ago and now this. So incredibly sad. I cried and cried when I woke up to find out the news. I had taken a midday nap and my last tweet was “He’ll be okay”, as she had tweeted that the paramedics were there and that he wasn’t breathing. OF COURSE I thought he’d be okay! Who thinks that at 37 years old your husband is going to drop dead from a suspected heart attack? Not me! I woke up and people were talking about memorial funds and how she’s coping and it’s all just surreal.

It also has me thinking – is this going to be me in 10 years time? Have I not cared for my body SO MUCH that my body is going to give up way before its time and that’ll be it? I’m inspired. I don’t want to leave my partner and stepkids alone in 10 years time. I don’t want to become diabetic and be dependent on drugs for the health of my body. I want to be able to run and play effortlessly, not be winded after a couple of steps, or by sitting up.

I’m going to do this. I’ll post on my progress, as I’m going computer-free til Sunday. Wish me luck! 😉

See the title to this post? That’s something that I’ve struggled with for a long time – even more so since gaining a lot of weight about 10 years ago.

How do you convince yourself that you’re worth putting the time and effort into? It’s especially funny coming from me, since I’m a knitter, crocheter, seamstress, needle felter (trust me, the list goes on), and I think nothing of putting 20 hours or more into a pair of beautifully hand-knit socks. Putting over 100 hours into a shawl for a friend’s wedding... Sorry, I don’t mean to brag, but I am a hell of a knitter! So why am I so set in thinking that the gym, walking, anything active and good for me “just takes too much time”? Silly, when compared to my favourite hobby.

Let’s compare, shall we?

100 hours of knitting = gorgeous shawl, 100 hours of working out = BENEFIT BEYOND IMAGINATION.

Also, I think nothing of putting into a marathon of Law & Order: SVU or Doctor Who, while merrily knitting away – curled up in my bed, usually snacking on junky food.

It all changes now. I was reading through my local community centre’s fitness programming for this quarter, and whaddya know – 20/20/20 ( One class with 3 different 20 min sets: 20 minutes of step, 20 minutes of hi/lo movements and 20 minutes of resistance movements) starts tomorrow. Is that a sign, or IS THAT A SIGN?

Of course, after hitting the “Register Now!” button, my heart started racing and the negative self-talk all but screamed at me. “You’re too fat for this class.” followed by “Everyone will know you don’t belong there” and even the absurd “You’re going to overdo it and make a fool of yourself, do you want them to be laughing at you?”.

So you know what I did? I read the description more carefully and at the end, it says:

All levels of fitness are welcome and encouraged to participate.

And then I looked up the instructor on Google – tweeted her, and she was so encouraging that I’m calling first thing in the morning and am registering. Then I’m going to MAKE myself go. I’ve promised myself that I’ll at least try this class and next week’s class to really see if I like it.

🙂 I’m proud of myself.

How do you break out of the mindset of “I can’t do this”?

Maybe it’s just the seasons changing, but I seem to be stuck in a rut the past two days. Heck, today I woke up at 6am ready to take on the world, but was back in bed by 10am, and slept for a solid 5 hours. Sick, right? Nope – it’s just fall and all I want to do is knit, eat and watch tv.

Yesterday the twins (2 of 3 of my fiance’s children) and I went to the park near our house that has a .25k track. I was thinking that I’d get some walking in while they played at the adjacent park. Imagine my dismay when we show up and it’s fenced in! Doing some quick research on the matter has turned up that they’re doing renos on the track – turning it from dirt to rubber – and adding a playing field.

I’m rather proud of how I handled that setback, actually. I find that when things go off-course from where I expected them to be, I get agitated and very short. We showed up, my mouth gaped open and what did I do? Grabbed the frisbee from the bag, situated the twins in a triangle with me and threw it around. Frisbee is quite entertaining when you actually run for it!

I suppose my point is, that sometimes all it takes it getting off your butt to change your point of view. Makes sense, right? I mean, changing your literal point-of-view is bound to change things. 🙂

Last week I weighed in at 370 lbs – and this week?


Can you believe that?! I listened to a podcast that really clicked with me this past week by  Two Fit Chicks entitled “Intuitive Eating” and it just clicked. It seriously just lightbulb momented (whoa, I just made that up) and I decided to dabble in its principles. I ate what I felt like, when I felt like it. No more listening to Oprah or Dr. Phil* about not eating after 7pm, or chewing on ice cubes when you get hunger pangs, or that carbs are ZOMG EVIL. It’s been interesting in that I’ve found I’m craving protein a LOT, and wanting tons of water and fresh fruit.

Before now, I have thought I’d treat myself every now and then, but I’ve been tracking how I feel after eating my favourite thing in the world: a large Strawberry Cheesequake Blizzard from Dairy Queen.. and you know what? I felt like crap – lethargic, gross, crap. Why do I keep indulging in this over-1000 calorie/serving treat? Oftentimes, I want another one right afterwards, which I realize is being ridiculous.


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