I’m happy.

Yes, my last post was all sad because of my friend’s husband’s passing, but… it’s actually helped me. HELL, I feel twisted even THINKING that, let alone typing it – so let me explain:

We found out that her husband’s cause of death was a pulmonary embolism, which was brought on by deep vein thrombosis  – a blood clot. In my little pea brain, a switch was thrown. I swear there was screaming inside my head at the height of this switch taking a flip – to the effect of “Wow, this could be you”. Seriously. I spend all day on my butt in bed. How pathetic is that? I sit in bed with my laptop and my cat – watch tv, chat on the phone and that’s all I do. Up til now, I thought I deserved a medal for doing a few loads of laundry. I don’t have a job – doing laundry should be my job!

So I’ve had this shift in thinking that happened right before my last post – I’ll do more. Boy, have I ever. Whereas we’re used to eating out a meal once a day, on Friday? I COOKED ALL THREE MEALS! I got up, made porridge for the fiance and I. For lunch I made fish, wild rice and salad. For dinner, I made turkey meatball whole wheat spaghetti with side salads. On Saturday, I baked and did shopping at the farmer’s market. I’ve always said how I wished I could afford to shop there, to support local agriculture, blah blah blah. SO I DID IT. Tonight, I roasted a turkey breast with olive oil and lemon rind – served it with mashed roasted sweet potatoes and asparagus with side salads.

I am so freaking excited, y’all. I feel brand new.


What ended up happening last night may very well change this whole health and wellness journey I’m on!


I feel like I have a completely different outlook now! My thought process leading up to the fitness class I wanted to take was “no, I can’t do this, I’m crazy for even trying” and then I told Trev (my fiancé) about it and I felt obligated to go then! I signed up for it, hit “submit” and hoped that I would have the nerve to go when 6:15 came. I thought “Oh, I’ll find some excuse to not go, then just head to the same old elliptical/DREADmill routine that I always do at our usual gym”.

We went out to our favourite Indian buffet (vegetarian, so delicious) and before I knew it, it was 6:05. I was a mere two blocks away from the community centre when I looked up at Trev and said “I don’t think I can-…” and he interrupted me by saying “Your mind is the biggest hurdle, Sara. Go kick some ass”. Feeling energized, I went and kicked some ass!!!

I walked in, saw a sign-in sheet at the front desk and checked my name off. I went upstairs to the cardio studio and there were already a good 8 women sitting outside the door – and here was my first little sigh of relief. I saw people of various shapes and sizes, and they seemed friendly! Score!

We all went in, and I chose a spot at the back of the room – got out a step (only one level, thank you very much). I was positive that my heart was going to pound directly out of my chest and into the lovely hair-do of the woman in front of me. The instructor, Jenn Kempton? FABULOUS, A++++, would definitely recommend her to any of my closest friends. She was positive, encouraging and most of all human. She emphasized safety and listening to our bodies. 20 minutes of step routine with only 5 water breaks! and I was in love with this class. I signed up for the whole term, once a week til December 14th for only $50!!!

While this whole thing *rapid arm movements* has a lot to do with losing weight, it also has to do with pushing myself outside of my comfort zone and just plain feeling healthier. I am so proud of what I accomplished last night, truly. I need to remember the feeling I had when I walked out of the doors of the community centre and how strong I felt. It’s that feeling that I need to keep in the back of my mind when I have days where I think I “just can’t do it today” or that I “don’t actually like exercising”. I’m capable of SO MUCH and am SO BLESSED to have this body.

Thanks for letting me ramble… 😉

See the title to this post? That’s something that I’ve struggled with for a long time – even more so since gaining a lot of weight about 10 years ago.

How do you convince yourself that you’re worth putting the time and effort into? It’s especially funny coming from me, since I’m a knitter, crocheter, seamstress, needle felter (trust me, the list goes on), and I think nothing of putting 20 hours or more into a pair of beautifully hand-knit socks. Putting over 100 hours into a shawl for a friend’s wedding... Sorry, I don’t mean to brag, but I am a hell of a knitter! So why am I so set in thinking that the gym, walking, anything active and good for me “just takes too much time”? Silly, when compared to my favourite hobby.

Let’s compare, shall we?

100 hours of knitting = gorgeous shawl, 100 hours of working out = BENEFIT BEYOND IMAGINATION.

Also, I think nothing of putting into a marathon of Law & Order: SVU or Doctor Who, while merrily knitting away – curled up in my bed, usually snacking on junky food.

It all changes now. I was reading through my local community centre’s fitness programming for this quarter, and whaddya know – 20/20/20 ( One class with 3 different 20 min sets: 20 minutes of step, 20 minutes of hi/lo movements and 20 minutes of resistance movements) starts tomorrow. Is that a sign, or IS THAT A SIGN?

Of course, after hitting the “Register Now!” button, my heart started racing and the negative self-talk all but screamed at me. “You’re too fat for this class.” followed by “Everyone will know you don’t belong there” and even the absurd “You’re going to overdo it and make a fool of yourself, do you want them to be laughing at you?”.

So you know what I did? I read the description more carefully and at the end, it says:

All levels of fitness are welcome and encouraged to participate.

And then I looked up the instructor on Google – tweeted her, and she was so encouraging that I’m calling first thing in the morning and am registering. Then I’m going to MAKE myself go. I’ve promised myself that I’ll at least try this class and next week’s class to really see if I like it.

🙂 I’m proud of myself.