I’m happy.

Yes, my last post was all sad because of my friend’s husband’s passing, but… it’s actually helped me. HELL, I feel twisted even THINKING that, let alone typing it – so let me explain:

We found out that her husband’s cause of death was a pulmonary embolism, which was brought on by deep vein thrombosis  – a blood clot. In my little pea brain, a switch was thrown. I swear there was screaming inside my head at the height of this switch taking a flip – to the effect of “Wow, this could be you”. Seriously. I spend all day on my butt in bed. How pathetic is that? I sit in bed with my laptop and my cat – watch tv, chat on the phone and that’s all I do. Up til now, I thought I deserved a medal for doing a few loads of laundry. I don’t have a job – doing laundry should be my job!

So I’ve had this shift in thinking that happened right before my last post – I’ll do more. Boy, have I ever. Whereas we’re used to eating out a meal once a day, on Friday? I COOKED ALL THREE MEALS! I got up, made porridge for the fiance and I. For lunch I made fish, wild rice and salad. For dinner, I made turkey meatball whole wheat spaghetti with side salads. On Saturday, I baked and did shopping at the farmer’s market. I’ve always said how I wished I could afford to shop there, to support local agriculture, blah blah blah. SO I DID IT. Tonight, I roasted a turkey breast with olive oil and lemon rind – served it with mashed roasted sweet potatoes and asparagus with side salads.

I am so freaking excited, y’all. I feel brand new.


So as soon as I commit to strengthen my resolve and get back into things full swing, what happens? I get sick! Again! Screw you, universe. 😦

I may as well share this amazing recipe with you. According to the SparkPeople recipe builder, I’ve included the nutritional information as well. Enjoy!

Sara’s Amazing Apple Walnut Muffins

  • 1.5 cups whole wheat flour
  • 0.5 cup  buckwheat flour
  • 0.5 cup sugar (or Splenda baking blend)
  • 1 tbsp baking powder
  • 0.25 tsp salt
  • 1 tbsp cocoa powder (may omit)
  • 0.75 cup water
  • 0.25 cup margarine or butter – melted (or veg oil)
  • 1 egg
  • 0.5 cup walnuts, chopped
  • 1 large sweet apple, diced

Preheat oven tot 400° F. Line 18 muffin cups with paper liners, or spray each lightly with cooking spray.

Mix flours, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt in large bowl until well-mixed. Stir in water, butter(oil), and egg until JUST blended. Stir in walnuts and apple. Fill cups 2/3 full.

Bake 20-25 minutes, or until toothpick inserted comes out clean. Let cool for 5 minutes before removing from pan.

Nutritional information:

Calories: 127; Fat; 5g; Carbs; 17.6; Dietary Fiber: 2g; Protein: 2.5g


VOILA! I hope you enjoy the first recipe I’m sharing with the bloggety blog blog. I plan on adding a lot more, as we’re trying to eat at home ALL THE TIME NOW!

See the title to this post? That’s something that I’ve struggled with for a long time – even more so since gaining a lot of weight about 10 years ago.

How do you convince yourself that you’re worth putting the time and effort into? It’s especially funny coming from me, since I’m a knitter, crocheter, seamstress, needle felter (trust me, the list goes on), and I think nothing of putting 20 hours or more into a pair of beautifully hand-knit socks. Putting over 100 hours into a shawl for a friend’s wedding... Sorry, I don’t mean to brag, but I am a hell of a knitter! So why am I so set in thinking that the gym, walking, anything active and good for me “just takes too much time”? Silly, when compared to my favourite hobby.

Let’s compare, shall we?

100 hours of knitting = gorgeous shawl, 100 hours of working out = BENEFIT BEYOND IMAGINATION.

Also, I think nothing of putting into a marathon of Law & Order: SVU or Doctor Who, while merrily knitting away – curled up in my bed, usually snacking on junky food.

It all changes now. I was reading through my local community centre’s fitness programming for this quarter, and whaddya know – 20/20/20 ( One class with 3 different 20 min sets: 20 minutes of step, 20 minutes of hi/lo movements and 20 minutes of resistance movements) starts tomorrow. Is that a sign, or IS THAT A SIGN?

Of course, after hitting the “Register Now!” button, my heart started racing and the negative self-talk all but screamed at me. “You’re too fat for this class.” followed by “Everyone will know you don’t belong there” and even the absurd “You’re going to overdo it and make a fool of yourself, do you want them to be laughing at you?”.

So you know what I did? I read the description more carefully and at the end, it says:

All levels of fitness are welcome and encouraged to participate.

And then I looked up the instructor on Google – tweeted her, and she was so encouraging that I’m calling first thing in the morning and am registering. Then I’m going to MAKE myself go. I’ve promised myself that I’ll at least try this class and next week’s class to really see if I like it.

🙂 I’m proud of myself.

How do you break out of the mindset of “I can’t do this”?

Maybe it’s just the seasons changing, but I seem to be stuck in a rut the past two days. Heck, today I woke up at 6am ready to take on the world, but was back in bed by 10am, and slept for a solid 5 hours. Sick, right? Nope – it’s just fall and all I want to do is knit, eat and watch tv.

Yesterday the twins (2 of 3 of my fiance’s children) and I went to the park near our house that has a .25k track. I was thinking that I’d get some walking in while they played at the adjacent park. Imagine my dismay when we show up and it’s fenced in! Doing some quick research on the matter has turned up that they’re doing renos on the track – turning it from dirt to rubber – and adding a playing field.

I’m rather proud of how I handled that setback, actually. I find that when things go off-course from where I expected them to be, I get agitated and very short. We showed up, my mouth gaped open and what did I do? Grabbed the frisbee from the bag, situated the twins in a triangle with me and threw it around. Frisbee is quite entertaining when you actually run for it!

I suppose my point is, that sometimes all it takes it getting off your butt to change your point of view. Makes sense, right? I mean, changing your literal point-of-view is bound to change things. 🙂

I’m here mainly because of this photo:


That’s my lovely fiance and I at Salem Sue in Salem, ND just about a month ago. We, along with 3 of our friends, drove from our home in Vancouver, BC to Saint Paul, MN – because we’re clearly insane. I’m around 370 lbs in that picture, which is the most I’ve ever weighed. And will be the most I’ve ever weighed!

There are 300 days until our wedding day. I have never loved a human being more in my life than I do him.

My plan is positivity – as long as I put in an effort, I’m not going to beat myself up too much about the results, and I think that’s the best approach I’ve taken to weight loss thus far. Oh yeah – did I mention that this isn’t my first time (OH SCANDALOUS)? I’ve tried Weight Watchers, low-protein (I know – wtf?), low-carb, fasting, South Beach, No Diet… umm.. and probably a lot more than that, but those are the ones I can remember. The least amount I’ve weighed in my adult life is 288 lbs, and that was in 2003.

So… a while ago.

Anyhow – I’m excited to get started!